My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
No subtext here. People are naked.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
