Christians are straight up FREAKS
its not stalking. its research.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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