Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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