"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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