I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
