I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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