if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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