Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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