i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
