just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
