She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
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