I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
