Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
