The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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