I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
