Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I will be naked everywhere
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
