I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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