Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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