i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
