yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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