meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
