i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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