Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
