Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
