ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
