I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
