just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I think I won the penis lottery.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
