please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
