We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
