that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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