apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
how drunk are you?
Several
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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