More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
