If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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