New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
