I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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