roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
