I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
