wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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