I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
