Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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