so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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