Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
