9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
