some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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