Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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