I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
