Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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