guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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