a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
