I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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