Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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