when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
