i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
