thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
