porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
