Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
