so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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